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Monday, August 22, 2011

I fractured my toe


On Thursday night, I was doing some intense reflecting.
I was feeling really tired.
Really overwhelmed.

Stretched by the responsibilities of motherhood.

Wishing for some solitude.

But, also realising that my fatigue was due to not having enough support.
Feeling quite despondent that I don't live in a community where there are people all around me, grannies, grandpas, uncles, aunties, like minded hippies.

A community where we help and support each other through all the inevitable ups and downs of our lives.

Reflecting on how as humanity, we have evolved so much economically and technologically.

But we have DEvolved as our society doesn't place enough value on things like family, community, the earth and simple living.

We are living isolated lives.
Mothers, fathers, burnt out.
Children, disconnected from their extended families.

This does not only apply to our family, which has moved to another country.
I see it all around me, even people who live in the same country, choose to live in different states, or far away from each other in the same city.

I realised that I long for this connection.
So maybe I don't want solitude.

I realised that I want SUPPORTED solitude.
Solitude where I can sit in nature, paint, draw, sew, read, whatever, without worrying about all my responsibilities.
Solitude with the knowledge that the children are being looked after and the meal is being made.

And I drew the picture you see here.

Well, it seems the Universe heard my longing.

On Friday morning, five years since my mom had her stroke and passed away (you can read about it here), a chair fell on my foot and fractured it.

I have been doing a lot of sitting since then.
Painful sitting.
But, nonetheless, sitting.
In my garden.
In the sun.
Sewing.
Painting.

Be careful what you wish for.

I have realised what a great marriage I have.
Sohail is seriously overwhelmed at work at the moment.
He is transitioning between roles, which brings with it inevitable extra work.

This has come at a very bad time for him.

But, he has simply said:

"You rest, I will cook, clean, shop, wash, look after the children, bake bread and in the evenings, I will catch up on my work."

Not a single complaint.
Just, love and support for his wife.
Who is in need of some sitting and receiving love and tea.

That is what strong relationships are about, carrying each other through the inevitable ups and downs of life. Not running away when it gets tough.
Having the knowledge that when we go into our deepest darkness, we come out much stronger and greater.
Shining bright with the light of support from our partner's support.

So many lessons here.

And so much gratitude.

And a very sore toe.

Blessings to you.

11 comments:

  1. Oh this is an interesting post. I heard Rabbi Blue on the radio this morning (I live in England) saying that every time he gets fed up about his cancer etc. he thinks of his relatives who perished in the war and he knows that to them, his life would be paradise. The same theme, I guess, of seing a silver lining in what seem to be clouds.

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  2. But still, I hope your toe is better soon!

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  3. @Jenny, yes I completely agree with you. There is always someone worse off than you and at the same time, everyone has a sad story. There is no point in wallowing in our sad stories, we just need to accept whatever our life situation is and embrace each day for what it brings.

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  4. Ola I am sorry to hear about your toe it is such a painful injury to have I am so glad that you have the support of your loving husband to give you some time to heal. I had a stress fracture in my foot recently too, from gardening, it really made sit and rest. I do believe that sometimes these things happen for a reason, maybe it was your time to rest and be looked after. I hope your toe gets better soon and that work calms down for Sohail. xx

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  5. ouch! but yes, careful what you wish for. the last time i was careless, about 8 years ago?, i wished for time off work and sprained my ankle.

    "SUPPORTED solitude"
    exactly!

    hope you heal soon.

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  6. What a lovely post...
    What a lovely wife (with 9.5 functional toes)...
    and what lovely people you all are for offering support when she's going through a tough time.

    The internet is better for posts like these, wives like mine, and people like you.

    Love to all,
    Sohail

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  7. I Love it! It always happens doesn't it when we ask for that rest. Time to stop, think, look around. I broke my foot once 'asking' for it and when Dazla was in India at 'our' ashram he slipped off the tiniest slope and broke his foot! At that point he should have stopped but instead he kept going and travelled for four days on it. Vatas! I'm so happy you have the support of Sohail and the ability to recognise all those lessons - gratitude and awareness makes life so much easier. Rest well and rest in the knowing that love surrounds you and shines on you whilst you sleep. Love Katie x

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  8. In my meditation tonight, there was your toe cupped in my hands. An apology, I'm meant to ask your permission for long distance reiki - but there it appeared quite spontaneously - I suppressed a giggle - an om shanti to your toe - blessings sweet goddess to your feet - xxx

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  9. I feel the yearning in your words because they mirror my own desires - supported solitude - what a lovely phrase. I am lucky... my family lives in Melbourne less than an hour away and yet I feel that they don't really know me or understand me or support the decisions I have made in life and so in a world filled with people who loved me I feel alone and unsupported. I wonder if it is just human nature to feel this way and that it takes extraordinary insight and enlightenment to realise that there are actually people out there supporting me - I'm just looking in the wrong place.

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  10. @Katie, thank you for the Reiki, it seems to have helped my toe. Incidentally I was meditating when you posted that comment, don't you just love how connected we all are, you have brought me such happiness with your comment, it has been with me all day. The community I seek is here with me, just not necessarily within arms length, but, nonetheless, it is still here. Thank you, om shanti to you. xxx.

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  11. Awesome post Olga! Like always i might say! Hugs and kisses!

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