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Friday, March 26, 2010

Gone

A few months ago I wrote about Sohail's friend at work.
He had been retrenched.
Then was diagnosed with cancer.

Last night I lit a candle.

He passed away.

He has left Melissa and her two beautiful children.
Phoebe.
James.

I grieve today.
For the life that was lost.
For the suffering of his family.

We all suffer.

We all grieve.

That is what binds us all together.
It is what makes us human.

Please send your prayers to Melissa.
And her children.
And the rest of the family.

In times like these, we need to be surrounded by love and compassion.

If you struggle with the senselessness of something like this,

It might just bring you some peace.





Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Miss Annie had a dolly

I made a decision at the end of last year.

To tap into my creativity.

I have always believed that I am not creative.
For many reasons I now see that tapping into our creative energy is crucial.
If we are to truly experience the joy, wonder and beauty in life.

We need to create.

So I am doing just that.

I made a doll.

All by hand.
And I have never sewed in my life.

Isn't she gorgeous?

Annie loves her.
And wants me to make her a friend.
Which I will.

But first, off to my knitting...

Monday, March 15, 2010

Searching

As far back as I can remember.
I have been searching.
Looking for myself.

I am not sure that everyone is like this.

But.

I am a seeker.

Always will be.
It seems.

My friend tells me that if I say
I don't know who I am
It is a good thing.

It means that I am on the right path.

I don't know who I am.

Yet, I am not satisfied with this statement in this moment.

Perhaps the strains of motherhood are taking their toll.

I have lost the joy of just being.
I am broken open.
An empty shell inside.
A void.
No laughter.
No smile.
Just empty.

I have always loved beautiful things.
I am so involved in the daily grind.
I struggle to see the beauty.

Of course reading this, I think I am absurd.

Look.

Look at all the beauty around you.

But.

I just go through the motions.

I long for a moment of pampering.
Where someone is pressing my feet.
Massaging the tension away.
Wrapping me up in a warm, fluffy robe.
Serving me fresh, organic food.
And healing herbal tea.
Where I practice yoga on top of a mountain.

Where there are no demands on me.

Where I can sit with myself.
And no one else.
And have a peek into who I am once again.

We are part of a huge tapestry.
Every thread has a purpose.
I am but a single thread.

I am know that all is meant to be as it is.

So I walk through the discomfort of my life right now.
For it is so.
And that is how it should be.
In this moment.

Right now.


Thursday, March 11, 2010

Inspiration

I only come here when I feel that I have something of value to write.

When I feel inspired.

My inspiration.

Absent.

I am so busy.
Busy with the school run.
Busy with the nap times.
Busy with the meals.
Busy with the house.
Busy with the ironing.
Busy with being a mother.
Busy with being a wife.

And the busyness has left me uninspired.

I have no time to reflect.

To be.

So I sit here.

And I know that nothing of value will come.

Because all creativity comes from a place of stillness.

And I have not been still.

I plan to be more still.
To come back and write something beautiful.

And meaningful.

And inspirational.

For now.
I rest.
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