Dreaming

Here is something you might not know about me.


I always wanted to be a psychologist.


I have always been interested in the workings of the mind.
How people develop, grow.
How their circumstances affect their circumstances.
But, I went to university and studied to be a Charted Accountant.
I am a Virgo.
I love order, organisation, everything in it's place.


A perfect combination for an accountant, don't you think?


This psychology business was just a frivolous dream.
A person could not make money being a psychologist.
When your parents have emigrated to a country where they do not speak the language.
Where their masters degrees do not offer them the opportunities they were promised.
Where they spend a lot of their time breaking their backs to make it work in a foreign place.
They transfer their desires onto their children.


My mom would not have me be a psychologist.


It was a waste of time.
I would never make any money.
What would be the point?


So I did my degree.
I did my honours.
I did article-ship.
I sat the board exam.
One of the hardest exams to sit for in South Africa.


(South African Chartered Accountants are one of the best in the world.
When you tell someone that you are a Chartered Accountant, they put you up a level. You are in the same league as a judge, or a surgeon. It's funny, when I tell people in Australia what my qualification is, they don't bat an eye lid. It just doesn't seem to hold any level of prestige here.)


And I was miserable.


But, it also instilled in me the knowing that if I could achieve that, I could achieve anything.


My whole journey at university and articles was spent dreaming about when and how I would become a psychologist.


It was a terrible day when my mom died.
And I wish her back with me every day.
But once she was no longer here, I felt a certain freedom.


To pursue my own dreams.


So I started studying.


Psychology.


I loved it.
My heart was right all along.
I wanted to be a psychologist.


And then we decided to move to Australia.
And I spent two years setting up a life.
Having another baby.
Looking after my family.


And my dream was put into the "When will you ever get a chance to do that", pile.


And then I happened to hear a psychology lecture the other day.
And the lecturer was talking about axons and dendrites.
And I was mesmerised.


And I realised that my dream is still alive.
It is in my heart.
I want to be a psychologist.


I thought the dream was gone.
And I realise that it is not.


I don't know when or how.
But I have faith.


The best teacher we can be to our children is to live our own best lives.
That is what inspires them to live their own best lives.


I have to follow my dream.


So for now, just for now, I dream.