Eating meat

This quote sits in my study and has been one of the inspirations for me becoming a vegetarian.

Did I ever mention this on my blog?

I am a vegetarian.

That was my first mistake.

To label myself.

The problem with labels is that you become attached to them. And that takes you away from your authentic self. You start focusing on the label instead of the person wearing the label.

Lets give some background to this situation.

I have never really liked meat. I have for years said that I could happily be a vegetarian.

Yet, I have eaten meat my whole life.

Two and a half years ago, I really took off on my spiritual journey. I realised, thanks to this man, that I needed to stop living in the future and I needed to live in the moment.

This has profoundly changed my life and it has given me a trust in the universe and my life and it's purpose like I have never had before.

So I have been learning to live in the moment, more and more.

Also, whilst eating my meals. Considering all the elements on my plate and how they got onto my plate. Realising that the meat I was eating was in fact a living, breathing member of our planet.

So I would only buy organic meat.

And then I watched a short video about factory farming of animals.

And I had my existential crisis.

I have no problem with human beings eating animals. If we hunt them and thank them for the life they have given us and use all of them and do not waste anything.

But, sadly, the earth does not show this kind of respect to our beautiful creatures.

We live in a world where we eat meat three times a day, wolfing down McDonald's whilst laughing about the degradation of women on Two and half Men.

Comatose to our impact on the planet.

Blind to our connection to all living things.

Unaware that the energy we put out is what we get back. We hurt others and we in fact hurt ourselves.

Because we are all connected.

So I could no longer be part of the madness.

Even if I was buying organic meat. I could not be responsible for another animal's life lost. There was too much of it happening already.

My TCM doctor asked me to wait. He said my energy was not adequate to support me. He has never seen a vegetarian with enough energy. And a mama needs a lot of energy!

I said, I couldn't do it.

I looked in Ayurveda. A vegetarian way of living.

I looked into the Raw Food Movement. It is basically vegan.

I looked at a lot of vegetarian people who have a lot of energy and are really happy.

I cooked lots and lots of vegetarian food. And loved it. And I still do.

And I got a bit lost in all of it.

I started feeling a bit tired. I started noticing rings under my eyes. Bloating. Off centre.

Not myself.

I realised that I had to listen to what my body wanted.

But, with all this research I have been obsessing over, I couldn't hear my own voice.

I didn't know what my body wanted.

And then I heard it.

Meat.

Red. Meat.

Feed me.

Sohail said I looked malnourished.

I think I looked like the starving children in Africa.

Bloated tummy and gaunt like body.

Deathly face.

So I had my next existential crisis.

How could I be responsible for the carnage of our beautiful creatures?

I started getting a bit depressed.

I still feel it a bit.

So I ate it. Red meat.

And I felt good.

Instantly, actually.

Absolutely incredible.

I have found a beautiful biodynamic butcher.

I will be shopping there now.

My body needs meat.

Not a lot.

Just a bit.

I am realising that the animals get their nourishment from the earth and I get that nourishment from them.

And I am thankful.

My journey has taught me many things.

Not to label myself.

Not to take myself so seriously.

To be flexible. What I feel today will probably not be what I feel tomorrow.

I still feel the trauma that I felt when I watched that video.

And I am trying to follow a mostly Ayurvedic lifestyle.

But, I need to take care of me.

If I want to be a good mother, wife, person, I need to be strong, fit and healthy.

It is all a journey.

Who knows where I will be on it in a few years time.

I am still bloated.

Still a bit off centre.

I think I am feeling the stress of putting this incredibly restrictive label onto myself.

We are dynamic beings.

All is right in the universe.

Just so you know.