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Friday, May 20, 2011

On falling and courage

One week ago, I was walking down the stairs outside my home.
It had been raining.
The tiles were slippery.
My shoes had no grip.

My head was up in the sky.

And I fell.

I hurt my back and my arm.
I screamed.
So loud.
Screamed like I was dying.
I phoned Sohail in a panic.
He had to come home immediately.
I was so scared.

Yes, I could walk.
No, there is no permanent damage.

So why the panic?

I believe that when something like this happens, like stubbing your toe, or falling on your arse, the universe is trying to get your attention.
There are no accidents.
If we just pay attention, life is helping us along the way, each step we take.
And I knew that the universe was trying to tell me something.
And I knew that it was something important.

So I freaked out.

I phoned my yoga teacher.
She told me that hurting my sacral area in my back had to do with relationships. Most importantly, the relationship with myself.
My arm was more sore. She said it was telling me that I was not meeting my spiritual needs.

I was paying attention.

I had been so focused on what I was going to do that day, that I did not watch my step. I was not taking things one step at a time. I was not grounded into Mother Earth. I was not present.

It's not easy being present.
The past and future seem so much more important than this moment.

But, I was listening this time.

It was time to take this whole spiritual path of mine more seriously. I have always been interested in my spiritual growth. I have been told that I speak like I am from the old world. I know that I am an old soul. I have unfinished stuff to do over here.

But, I was raised in a very westernised home. All this yoga, meditation, spirituality stuff was not very important. I have also surrounded myself with people who have not thought it very important, either. I have been hiding that part of myself.


It is time to set that part of myself free.

I have spent the last week doing what I feel I need for my own spiritual growth. Not what I think someone else would want me to do.

I am finding the courage within myself to walk my own path.

I have discovered Deva Premal and her beautiful Sanskrit chants. My children and husband are chanting at home with me. It is food for the soul.


You can listen to the Moola Mantra here. It is a mantra that evokes God, asking protection and freedom from all sorrow and suffering. It is being played in our home and it is creating such a sense of peace and harmony.

Annie has asked me whether it is the language of angels.

We listen to it in the car on the way to school.
We are so calm and peaceful when we arrive.
My children are walking around the house chanting this beautiful mantra.
You can read more about it here.

I am having revelations about converting our study into an adult retreat/yoga and meditation room.

I am finding peace.
And presence.
And taking one step at a time.

It is hard.
And it is a life long journey.
I am embracing finding my own voice.

My own, true self.

Because I am the only one who can do that for me.
No apologies.
Standing in my power.

It takes courage to go against all you have ever known.
And to find who you have always been.

I am so grateful that I fell.
It has opened my eyes.

Blessings to you.

3 comments:

  1. i did the same thing last autumn. i fell down the stairs and hurt my back and my elbow. i too went into shock. some beautiful interesting stuff over here, ola.

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  2. What an interesting post ... learning all about the spiritual reasons is very exciting and kinda scary at the same time don't you think. What a wonderful journey you are embarking on!

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  3. My dear beautiful wife, I don't believe you fell down - as it often happens in this life, I think you fell up. The rest of us will catch on, catch up and catch it - keep going :) we love you.

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