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Thursday, December 31, 2009

2009


What a big year.

The year I became a mother for the second time.
The year I discovered the wonder and beauty of breastfeeding for the first time.

The year I felt more love for my daughter than I had ever before.

The year I fell in love with another man.
My little man.
Who never stops smiling.

The most exhausting year of my life.

The year that I was pushed to my limits like never before.
The year of personal growth like never before.

The year I became more of myself than I have ever been.

The year I became more of an earth mother than I have ever been.
The year I embraced the earth muffin in me.

The year my husband cooked.
And cooked.
And cooked.

The year my house looked like I would have never imagined I would have let it look like.
Like an explosion of love and clutter.

The year I dropped my standards of cleanliness and neatness.

For the sake of my own self preservation.

The year I fell in love with my family.
Again.

What a year.

I am tired.
Really tired.

And happy.

And grateful.

And so blessed.

Thank you for 2009.

Amen.

Beautiful grace

On Monday, my little girl completed her journey around the sun for the fourth time.


Annabella.

Beautiful grace.

What a fitting name for a beautiful soul.

Gentle of heart.
Strong of spirit.

Wise beyond her years.

So smart.
So funny.

Forgiving.
Nurturing.
Kind.
Beautiful.

Inside.

And outside.

I could not ask for more in a child.

The perfect child.

My child.

My beautiful grace.

I love you.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

A glimpse of our Christmas









I hope your Christmas was as peaceful and beautiful as ours.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Today I cried


I held my son
And cried

Because I love him

I love him so much
So much that my heart sings
And my heart breaks

And he let me hold him
While I cried

For my perfect life

And my perfect moment with my perfect son

The most perfect gift

To be a mother

I am so grateful
I love
Every day
Every moment

My life

The blessings in my life

Thank you

Monday, December 14, 2009

Joy and wonder


I am in awe of this little person

This little angel of mine

I can watch him play the whole day
The way he examines every object
The intense focus
The curiosity

The discovery of the world
By little hands
And eyes
And mouth

He is so beautiful

I get to spend every day with him

I am so lucky

So lucky, I tell you

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Peace


This hangs in our dining room.

It is a reminder.

To be still.
To breathe.

To live each moment in the moment.

And to have peace in our hearts.

And in our home.

I hope you are finding peace.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Colours


I can't paint.
I can't draw.

Occasionally I can take a good photograph.

But that is the extent of my creativity, thanks to my training as a boring accountant.

My dad is sure that Annie has an artistic side.
She has much more talent than me.
Maybe one day she will be a world famous artist.

I do know, however, what moves me.

Beauty.

Colours.

I love Meri's blog.

She does the most amazing art.
And is a fan of Eckhart, just like me.

Her Chrysanthemums have made my heart soar.
Go have a look here and here.
It has made my day so much brighter.

Reflections Part 3


I am so blessed to have this little man.

Tonight I got to hum Brahm's Lullaby to him.
So that he could fall asleep.
I can't sing.
But I can hum.

I get to feed him.

For five months of his life, my body was what was keeping him alive.
My body carried him for nine months.
Then it fed him for another five.

I am in awe of my body.
A woman's body.
A miracle machine.

I get to wake up for him at night.
To comfort him in the dark.

I read this today.

And I am reminded of how important my job is.

That I do not let him cry himself to sleep.

Like people tell me to do.

I trust my motherly instinct.

And comfort my son.
Because he needs me.

One day he won't.

I savour every moment that he does.


Reflections Part 2


My daughter did something sneaky today.

She thought I couldn't hear her, so she turned the kitchen timer back, so that she could get more TV time.
(I allow her two hours a day, once the timer has gone off, so does the TV.)

I was quite amused by this and was struck by how daring she was.

I would have never done something like that as a child, I was (and still am) way too eager to please.

I asked her what she had just done.

I casually explained that it's probably not a good idea to do something like that.
Started trying to explain what integrity is to a (nearly) four year old.

And then the strangest thing happened.

She started crying.
Sobbing.

She had realised what she had done.

I had hardly said a sentence to her.

She realised all on her own.

She had tried to betray her mother's trust.

She didn't understand what she was feeling.

She felt remorse.

At the age of (nearly) four.

How incredible.

I had to tell her that it was OK.
That she felt bad because she had tried to do something sneaky.
But that I still love her.
And it's OK to make mistakes.

All of this to a (nearly) four year old.

Her depth of emotion and maturity has amazed me.

I am so grateful for this little angel.
Who tells me that she loves me at least once every hour.
Every day.

I love you , my Annie.



Reflections Part 1


Sohail's colleague at work was retrenched.

He then found out that he has cancer.

He has 2 small children.
Aged four.
And one.

I have never met this man.
My heart breaks for him and his family.

I just found out that he has lost 10 kilograms and his wife is exhausted from looking after him.

They would just like some nutritious food.

We will give them some of the food that my husband makes for his family every weekend.
Because he can.
Because he is healthy.
And has a job.

They could be us.

We are no different to them.

Please send them your blessings, even though you do not know them.
And be grateful for the blessings in your own life.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Ballerina girl


My ballerina girl had her first concert this weekend.

She got to wear make up.
She loved the make up.

She was the smallest one on stage.
I think that she is the smallest one in the dance school.

She came on stage.

She ran off.

She ran back on.

She saw me in the audience.
She waved.
She said "Hi Mom!"
She waved.
She chuckled.
She waved.
She said "Hi Mom!"
She laughed.

She looked around the audience thinking that this is the most fun she has ever had.

She came home holding herself just a little bit taller.
Her confidence in herself has sky rocketed.
She has been performing for us ever since.

She is my shining star.

I am so proud of her.

My little ballerina.



Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Vegetable update

Not much blogging going on these days.

I am now chronically sleep deprived.
I hear that this time is the most difficult time with a baby.
He is getting heavier.
I am still breastfeeding.
I am giving.
Giving.
Giving.
He is still not sleeping through the night.
And doesn't take a bottle.
So it is just me there for him at night.
And in the day.
Just me.
All the time.

It's a bit hard to come up with inspiring things to write when you are sleep deprived.


That's ok.

Look at that face.

The point of this post was meant to be:

My vegetables are growing!

I have a pumpkin!

It's all very exciting for someone who has never grown any vegetables.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Homesick

click to enlarge if you wish

Things I miss about my old life:

Family.

The house we built from scratch.
My special cat - Mufasa.

Spring that is warm.
Summer that is warm, not hot.
The African bush.
Thunder showers.

My garden I built from scratch.

My dad.
My brother.
My sweetie's family.
The children having cousins to play with.

A country that has real soul.

Christmas with the family.
Birthdays with the family.

Popping around to Arshad and Vallie's on a Sunday afternoon for no reason.

Family.
Family.
Family.

We moved here so that our family would have a better life.

We do.

I love my life.
But I miss my old life.

I wouldn't change what we have done.
But the ache in my heart is so sore.

So sore.


Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Tea time


Thirty minutes of peace I have.

Before the busyness starts again.
I thought I was invincible.
That, five months later, I would be energised to go go go again.

I was wrong.

I sit.
I drink my tea.
I preserve this precious, fragile, life.

The only one I have.

I accept that the chores can wait.

I enjoy the silence.
Peace.
Small pleasures of life.

Me.
Sitting.
Drinking my tea.

Drinking in the tranquillity of just being.

I wonder if I will ever want to go go go again.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Acceptance


I feel that my life is starting to fall into some sort of rhythm.
I am following the stream.
Moving with the current.
Not against it.


Like the ducks, I am satisfied.
I am not fighting the moment.
I am with it.
In it.
Right now.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

I'm sorry

I'm sorry I shouted


I am supposed to be the adult
Yet, there I was, stomping my feet like a three year old

Shouting at my three year old

I have to remind myself
That like you
I am imperfect

And forgive myself

For not being a saint
For losing my patience

Over something so silly

I want to teach you how to behave
But I do not always get it right

And you are so forgiving

And I am so thankful for that

Often I think that you are the adult in our relationship
I have so much to learn from your ability to forgive
Your kindness
Your wisdom

I'm sorry I shouted

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Rest


Rest little one
You are enough

Your back is aching
Your feet are sore

Your mind is overworked
Your muscles are tight

Breakfast
Laundry
Breastfeeding
Story time
Lunch
Breastfeeding
Gardening
Dusting
Story time
Clean up time
Dinner
Breastfeeding
Bath time
Story time
Mommy time
Breastfeeding


Now is the time to rest

Sleep

Sleep, little one

You are enough

Sunday, September 20, 2009

This man


This man is my husband.
This man is the father of my daughter.
This man is the father of my son.

This man put a five year halt on his hugely successful career for his family.
This man packed up his whole life and moved across the world for his family to be safe and secure.
This man was solely responsible for the move to Australia that did not cost us a cent because his company wanted him so much that they paid for it all.

This man takes the bus in the cold to work everyday.
Because we can only afford one car.
And he loves cars.
But he loves us more.

This man has breakfast with his family every morning.
This man makes me poached eggs and tea every Saturday and Sunday.
This man makes the best pancakes in the world.

This man cooks all the meals for the week every weekend.
Because he loves to cook for his family.
And he wants to make my weeks as stress free as he can.

This man gives my little man a bottle at 10pm every night.
So that I can get some rest.
Because I am exhausted right now.

This man goes on Dad dates with his daughter.
Because he loves her.
And because he wants to give me a rest.

This man does not have any family to support him in a foreign country.

He only has me.
I only have him.

He doesn't complain.

He does all of this because he is a family man.

And that is why I love this man.

My Annie


My Annie is an amazing soul.
Just in the last few weeks she has done some awesome things.

Here she is cutting up strawberries for Fathers Day.


Reading to her little brother.
He is absolutely besotted with his big sister.


Photography by Annie.
Blue sky.
Jasmine.
Beautiful.


Self portrait.
What a character.


Art by my little princess.

Too often I feel worn out by the demands of parenting these two little people.
Too often I forget what a precious gift they are.

Today I am reminded of just how special one little girl can be.
I love you, my Annie.




Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Lettuce be patient


I was so excited to find this in my garden.
I had planted lettuce seeds in the ground last year.
They didn't come up.
Until this year.
Out of the blue!

My husband's post this morning got me thinking that we really do need to be patient in life.
We are always in such a hurry to achieve this and that.

If we just wait, miracles can happen.


My tomato plant has got a flower.
I am waiting patiently for those first tomatoes!


Lavender in the garden.
Just to enjoy.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Children deserve


"Children deserve parents who make sure that they find the support and nurture that they need so they can wholeheartedly love them.

Children deserve parents who love one another and treat each other with kindness and respect even if the marriage doesn't last.

Children deserve parents who like themselves and who have creative work that they enjoy in addition to their employment.

Children deserve parents who like their work and want their children to know about it and why it's important.

Children deserve parents who remember that when children spill the milk that they used to spill it too.

Children deserve parents who will rock them to sleep with a lullaby and tuck them into bed with a story and kiss.

Children deserve parents who will take them for a walk through the fall leaves rather than buying them another toy.

Children deserve parents who take them to the library regularly and come home with arm loads of books about people who dream great dreams and overcome immense difficulties.

Children deserve parents who are willing to slow down from the rat race long enough to enter into the wonder of discovery with them.

Children deserve parents who allow them to work alongside, at their own pace, and with appropriate jobs so that each can feel a sense of accomplishment on completion.

Children deserve parents who are selective about television watching, who study the program guide to know what quality programs exist and who will spend time reading or playing games instead of lazily flicking on the switch.

Children deserve parents who have an extended family network of support and back-up nurture."

-Sara Wenger Shenk

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Daddy's day


Today is Father's Day in Australia.

We had lots of fun preparing for it.

Home made wrapping paper - we made hand prints of the kid's hands on plain white paper.
Well, Xavier wasn't too keen, so we had Annie's hand prints and Xavier's blotches!

Gift tags made using the kid's hands.
I think this is great and if we do it every year, we can actually document how they grow.

Annie and I set the breakfast table.
Picked flowers.
Dished up croissants.
Pancakes.
Strawberries.
Cold meat.
Cream cheese.
Yummy bread.
Hot tea.

Annie was amazing in keeping all of this a surprise for her Dad.

Especially when she told him that she won't tell him anything.

Not about the painting.
Or the breakfast :)

Lovely day.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Planting time - the event


Super birthday surprise!
My dear friend Ewa dropped by with my birthday present. A HUGE pot which she planted up with a tomato plant.
How did she know I was on a planting quest?

Annie and I watering the tomato plant.

Today Annie and I planted up the other veggies.

Potting soil going in.

Annie so proud of her work.


Herbs on the window sill. I hope they make it, as the pots are a bit small.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Planting time


It's my birthday today.
A whole 31.
I must say, I feel very young and excited about life.
I feel like I am on a great journey.

I have been wanting to grow my own vegetables for a long time.
So what better day than my birthday to start.

Since we don't own this house, I don't want to plant in the garden.
I am going to be using pots.

So I went out and bought:
Baby pumpkin - because I love pumpkin
Red capsicum - because it is so versatile
Dill - my favourite herb which takes me back to my mom's kitchen
Thyme - Sohail's favourite herb; and he is loving cooking at the moment
Oregano - because I love Italian cooking

Oh, and I bought a plant to donate to Annie's kindergarten.
I won't see it much, so I thought I would take a photo of it too.

I will wait for Annie to come home and we can plant together.
Nothing like children learning about the real world and getting themselves dirty in the process.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Mama


You left me three years ago.
I keep your love in my heart.
The way you loved your children.
Is what I aspire to every day.

Be safe with the angels.

Olenka.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Picking flowers


Annie and I love flowers.

These are from our garden.

I cut them from the plant for her.

She did the rest.

Aren't they lovely?
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